No, my wrists aren't broken

I would point out that I can be a bit of a slacker, but I did that once already.

The truth is that I wanted to carve out time to write properly and "in peace", and that has become all but impossible. The quiet time I get is currently spent taking practice quizzes and (finally) reading my Accounting book. Nothing like them being out of the book you need until half way though the semester. 

I may find more time once I finish setting the office back up. I have fixed one of the desks and put it back in the room, but there are still half a dozen boxes that need to be sorted, labeled, and put back into the storage closet. 

I know what I want to do with this blog, it's just finding the time to do it.

I can't dance

Really, I can't dance. I never had the body rhythm needed to do anything more than slow dancing, and even then my partners feet could be in jeopardy. At school dances this was never a problem, if I had a date all I did was slow dance, otherwise I just hung out with the guys.

As an adult I have never wanted to go out dancing. I am highly self conscious of the fact that I can't dance well and stick out like a sore thumb on the dance floor. I mildly dreaded certain functions (weddings in particular) when I knew that I would be pulled onto the dance floor. I used liquid courage to get myself moving when the music started, and it worked well enough for me.

For a long time when my wife wanted to go out dancing with friends I opted to stay home and watch the kids. Courtney really wanted me to go, but was very kind about letting me off the hook. Not all that long ago I decided to change how I approached life in general, and in particular things that I wasn't comfortable with. So when it came time to go dancing again, I went.

Our friend Shawn likes to go to the Sky Club above Sangria on Thursdays. Yesterday Courtney and I joined her and left Josh in charge of the house. We had already decided not too stay out too late, so I knew that even if I was making a total idiot of myself it wouldn't be for more than a couple hours.

Much to my surprise, I figured out how not to step on my own feet and had a blast. I stuck with water for most of the night, having a single $4 Corona during our last break from the dance floor. The club was packed and that helped some as well, hard to stick out when there isn't a lot of room to move anyway.

Next time Courtney wants to go dancing, I'll be first in line.

Pandora

Months ago my brother-in-law told me about Pandora. He raved about it's music selection and your ability to tailor the "radio" play list to your personal tastes.

I was used to using Winamp and it's stations that are set by type and never checked it out. Now I wish I had.

Pandora has changed the way I listen to music at work. It runs in your web browser (unless you purchase the premium edition) and I haven't noticed any slow down of my PC from it. It seems to be well compressed as it doesn't hamper my web browsing speed, and the network admin hasn't come to kill me for using all the bandwidth.

But the best part is the "stations" you can create. Just pick a song or artist and it creates a station around that music type. If a song pops up that you can't stand, just check to remove it and it won't be played on any station that you create. If you want more variety in a station, just add more artists or songs to it.

I have different stations now for whatever mood I'm in. Today it is Rock, but last week it was all Classical. Bad days tend to get a Heavy Metal sound track, it's like putting out a "Do Not Disturb" sign for non-critical questions.

The only down side is that you can only listen for 40 hours a month, after that they will ask for a small donation ($0.99) to listen more. I haven't hit that yet but I know I will at some point. However the limit does not apply if you buy the premium version, and for only $36 a year I may do that.

Time to list more on ebay so I can use my PayPal account...

Love Dare: Day 18

This took a lot longer to pull off than I planned. I originally decided what I wanted to cook almost 3 months ago now, and bought it two months ago. But before I start in on the details, here is the love dare itself:

Love Seeks to Understand

Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you've rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

I ended up deciding to move ahead with the dinner despite my lack of a plan to reduce the number of children in the house. Courtney had mentioned several times recently that she missed me doing the love dares. I wasn't about to skip one, so I set a date and started making plans.

Step one was to feed the kids beforehand, something easy and hopefully filling enough to get them into the basement or their bedrooms for several hours. Hot dogs and salad worked well, even if corralling them in a remote location didn't. Josh and Ashley are more than old enough to know when to keep themselves occupied. However Austin had other ideas, though I think that only a couple of interruptions in two hours is pretty good for a three year old. Bella is a puppy, and behaved that way. Though I think our floors remained unsoiled for the duration of dinner.

Getting things together for our dinner was not as easy, I was making Cornish Game Hen for the first time and my Mom hadn't made it in so long she didn't have any pointers. The internet came to the rescue and provided me with a recipe that sounded good, though some of the ingredients were hard to come by. Fennel Seeds, red pepper flakes, kosher salt, Thyme branches, and shallots all needed to be hunted down.

I had already found most of what I needed months ago, and thankfully an herb garden was part of our recent "eating healthy and cheap" initiative so the Thyme branches were not an issue. The rest of the spices were relativly easy to find once I had stared at the spice section in Kroger for awhile.

I had searched for shallots before and didn't have any luck. I was planning to go find them the day I was going to cook the dinner, but Courtney wanted to get out of the house for a bit so she decided to take up the quest. Two stores later and a small grocer telling her that they were just green onions (they aren't) we gave up and used green onions anyway.

After returning home Courtney was starving, so she ate some with the kids and I started cooking. It is a fairly straight forward recipe, I just had to adjust it to 2 birds instead of three and forget about completing the "fine herbs" portion. Just stuff the birds, make the "rub" and apply it, and cook for 75 minutes.

I made some wild rice when it was almost ready, and took the salad out of the fridge. Courtney and I spent the entire prep and cooking time talking and nibbling on what was left of the dinner for the kids. The only downside was that our nibbling whetted our appetites and we ended up not finishing our hens. Live and learn.

We had a nice candlelight dinner anyway, with relatively few interruptions. Speaking of learning, next time I start my shallot hunt long before it's time to make dinner.

Yes, I'm a slacker

I know, I haven't posted a blog update in a long time. I'm a slacker, at least some things don't change!

However I haven't forgotten about the blog, or where I want to go with it. But first things first, I need to finish what I started!

I put the Love Dare on hold not because I didn't want to do the next step or that the step itself was too hard. What is hard is making a nice dinner for two when you have three kids and a puppy around.

Add a serious lack of Grandparent time (I knew I should have waited until they retired to have kids) and you have a looooong waiting period. So long I gave up.

Coming soon: Love Dare Day 18 (the dinner for 2.... plus interruptions)

Home Movies

I haven't forgotten about the blog (or the Love Dare for that matter), I just have been really busy.

I have fixed the computer in the basement, allowing my kids access to the internet and their I-pod libraries. I finished the garden in the front, and the grass seed in the back. And I have finally started to work on creating digital copies of our home movies.

The Macbook does this really well, though it isn't the fastest process at times. I need to play each video on the camera itself with a Firewire cable hooked up to get it onto the laptop. Then I need to cut, edit, format, and save the video clips into appropriate sized video files.

But after all that is done, I simply upload them to Facebook for anyone (that has access anyway) to enjoy. I'm almost done with the last 2 years of videos, more to come as time allows!

As for the Love Dare, someone needs to volunteer to watch my kids for a night. How am I supposed to cook a romantic dinner with those 3 around? (No suggestions that involve duct tape please)

Memorial Day at Metro Beach

I have needed to get out riding for a few weeks now, but never seem to find the time when it isn't raining. There is so much work to do around the yard I always end up doing that instead of getting in shape (though one could argue that yard work does get oneself in shape).

Thankfully my brother Mike came to the rescue on Memorial day and dragged me out of the house to hit the trails. Since we haven't ridden this year we kept to the paved kind, easier in theory but not always in practice.

We decided to park a ways out and ride into Metro Park and back, however Mike didn't remember where he parked the previous time he rode in. We ended up parking several miles further out than we had planned to, adding about 3 miles of uphill and into-the-wind riding to our trip (and an easier 3 miles on the way back). But there are worse things that can happen, the picture above is the line to the admission booth of the park.

That line extends about 3 miles back down 16 mile road, not to mention the side roads lined with people waiting to turn into the line. In the hour that it took us ride from the back of the line all the way to the furthest most point in the park and back to entrance to the park, the cars that were at the very back of the line when we started were only just then getting within site of the entrance booth.

And the park was PACKED, not the place to go on a holiday. Glad we were just there for some exercise.

"V" Returns to TV

I didn't think that anyone would ever try to resurrect V after the less than stellar first TV series. Not that I didn't enjoy watching it as a kid, but it didn't measure up to the mini series it was based off of. It is no surprise that it was canceled after just one season.

The new trailer looks fairly decent, it seems that ABC isn't going to short end the budget this time. From what I can tell this is a "start from the beginning" remake, so we won't get to see the resolution of the cliffhanger at the end of the original TV series only season right away. If they take the same direction that is, and of course assuming that it survives long enough.

I'm hoping it can fill the Sci-fi void in my viewing habits left by the cancellation of the Terminator series. (Not too happy at Fox about that one)

Bella the Beagle

Last summer when our cat Jack died we talked about getting a new pet when we were ready. Six months later we had decided on getting a dog, and everyone wanted a puppy.

We started looking into it in earnest about 6 weeks ago, and after a few bad experiences with pet rescue agencies we decided to simply buy a puppy.

Bella is currently about 4 weeks old and in another 4 weeks we can bring her home. She is a Beagle, so training will be a long process, but otherwise we expect her to be a perfect fit for our family.

The backyard has been prepared to resist most escape attempts, and we have a cage and dog beds ready inside. Now we need to teach Austin to keep his toys put away, though a few of those lost to puppy teeth may prove to be the best learning method.

The Super Burrito

That giant mound of cheese covered burrito to the left is known as the "Super Burrito" at Pancho Villa's. If you manage to eat the whole thing, it's free!

I love food, even more so when it's free. But the menu doesn't have any pictures so I had no idea of the true size of what they were going to place in front of me.

I had expected a 5 pound burrito or so, some monstrosity that would be difficult to finish and would keep their coffers full. I didn't expect that they would go to such Herculean lengths as to make an abomination that is nearly impossible to keep on the cafeteria tray on which it is served.

This approximately 10 pound beast of a burrito finished my family meals simply by arriving at the table, they declared themselves full even before I took a bite. I am happy to say that I ate about 1/4 of this before deciding that I wasn't going to finish it so there was no point in making myself sick trying.

For $14.99, I think it was still a good deal. I get leftovers for a week!

Dream Job

I need to find a way to be notified of these kind of job postings on a more timely basis. I don't want to find out about them after they have created the short list, or even worse after applications cease being accepted.

It seems that there really is a "best job in the world", at least if you like being paid a lot to babysit a Villa on a tropical island and blog about the experience for six months.

There were approximately 34,000 applicants for caretaker of Hamilton Island in Queensland Australia, and unfortunately I was not one of them. They have now whittled down the list to 16 finalists who hail from all over the globe. While I missed this round the position is only for six months, so maybe I can try again next year.

While the job is real, this is in essence a marketing campaign for the island. I can only hope that more tourist locations follow suit, I'll start prepping my application now just in case.

Love Dare - Day 17

Love promotes Intimacy
Determine to guard your mate's secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.

No additional notes on this one, other than to say I did the dare.

Love Dare - Day 16

Love intercedes 

Begin praying today for your spouse's heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse's life and in your marriage.

Anyone who knows me at all knows that I didn't do the dare in it's original form. However that doesn't mean that I can't use the day (and the dare) for something constructive.  I do find a certain irony in asking God to do something to someone else for what you believe is their (or maybe your own) best interest.

Instead of looking to a higher power to do something for me or looking to change Courtney, I reviewed what I am working on in our relationship. 

Love Dare - Day 15

Love is honorable
Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his cloths away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.

This is an easy one to do every day, you just have to pay attention. I had it easy yesterday, Courtney has been struggling to get though all of our old pictures. She was able to do the pictures books easily but with Austin around loose pictures were a nightmare to try to go through. So while she was at school and Austin was being occupied by his siblings in the basement I dove into the pile of photos. It took about two hours to go though the hundreds of photos and toss out duplicates, file them in some vague semblance of chronological order, and put them all into a large tub for safe keeping.

Courtney is happy, the photos are safe from our rampaging toddler, and I get the chase back in the living room.

Earth Day - 2009

I use Earth Day as a time to start a new habit or way of doing things that reduces the negative effect I have on the global ecology.

Two years ago is was replacing all of my lightbulbs with CFL"s (and I will go to LCD bulbs once they are economically viable). Last year it was getting serious about recycling, and I have gotten even more thorough about it recently.

This year I decided to start my own vegetable garden. I don't live in the best house for it, the back yard is in far too much shade and we are right across from the school. A garden in the front yard may not survive all that well due to the school but it will get enough light to have a shot at growing well.

I have some fond memories (among all the ones of me being angry about having to pick weeds) of the gardens we had when I was growing up. I want one of my own and as a bonus I save money on groceries, have some healthier and fresher food, and reduce my carbon footprint by not purchasing veggies that had to be trucked in and grown with fossil fuel based fertilizers. I wish I could have a bigger garden (though then I would need a rototiller), but I'll have to wait until I move for that. I don't think Courtney will let me take over the entire front yard.

Here are a few links and freebies or giveaways today:

• Reynolds Wrap is giving away mail-in rebates so you can have free boxes of their new foil made from 100 percent recycled aluminum. You can get the coupon from their website, they are custom made per person so you need to do this today! You can buy the foil anytime until May 14th.
  
• Drugstore.com is offering a free Seventh generation tote bag with $40 worth of samples with every order of $30 or more from their Green & Natural Shop.
  
• The Disney Store is giving a free surprise gift to anyone that brings in three plastic water bottles today...rumored to be a reusable Mickey tote bag.
• Walgreens.com has a printable coupon to get 15 percent off plus a free tote bag at their brick & mortor locations.

Love Dare - Day 14

Love takes delight
Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she wold love to do or a project they'd really like to work on. Just be together.

I make a habit out of this now, to spend more time with Courtney by not doing some of the things that I normally waste time on. Usually it is skipping T.V. shows, but sometimes I don't write or I see what she wants to do instead of getting the umpteen millionth home project completed. (It's not like the list ever gets finished anyway).

Love Dare - Day 13

Love fights fair

Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, the write out your own personal rules to "fight" by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.

Courtney and I did this over the weekend, on the front porch while enjoying a softball game across the street. We had already talked about "off limit" comments during arguments before, but it never hurts to go over them again and to see if there is anything new that either of us thinks should be off limits when we are upset with each other. 

Gift of Reading®

A long time ago I used to read a lot, too much if I'm being honest about it. Reading was my escape, my way to leave my world behind and enter one in which I had no stake. I enjoyed all manner of horror, fantasy, mystery, and Sci-Fi books. I was rarely disappointed, so I'm not much of a critic.

That being said, I enjoyed my latest dive into reading. I still get sucked into a good book, and Gravity by Tess Gerritsen is a fun and interesting read. I started reading Sunday but only had time to complete one chapter. I finished reading it Monday night, pouring over the majority of the book in a four hour stretch.

At it's core Gravity is a medical mystery thriller, with the added bonus of the catastrophe being aboard the International Space Station. It is one of the more realistic medical thrillers I have read, with obvious great pains taken to ensure the accuracy of medical treatments in space. Unfortunately the twist at the end is pretty easily foreseen, but otherwise it is a good read.

Title for the blog comes from the Literacy Foundation.

Love Dare - Day 12

Love lets the other win
Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.

Courtney and I have been working on compromise for awhile now, we both have things we think should be done our way and both of us can be rather stubborn individuals. This isn't always a bad thing, but not listening while being stubborn isn't that great for relationships.

In this case I won't give details on what I gave in on, but Courtney knows.

Love Dare - Day 11

Love cherishes
What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, "I cherish you" and do it with a smile.

Doing things to help out is simply a part of my routine now, it was something resolved to do early on. I knew that my lack of regular assistance was something that really bothered her and so I made that one of the first things that I changed.

To make the 11th dare stand out I needed something different. The opportunity presented itself yesterday and today, though I would have preferred the opportunity being something other than Courtney getting sick. I waited on her hand and foot for the past couple of days, and let her rest as much as she let herself do so. Now to wake up early tomorrow and do the dishes...

Love Dare - Day 10

Love is Unconditional
Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse - something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. But his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.

This is post is long overdue, but I have had so many other things to write about it was put on the back burner. The tenth dare was rather enjoyable, I like surprising Courtney by taking a project off her to do list. While I did do something last week, it has taken me so long to get around to this I ended up starting over.

On Tuesday while Courtney was at school I did the weeks grocery shopping, I wasn't sure I was going to when I left but the sale going on made up my mind. I knew this week would be busy, so it was one less thing Courtney needed to try to fit in.

Bad for Business

I know that I can be stubborn sometimes, but my wife is more stubborn when it comes to getting nice family pictures taken.

A few weeks ago while shopping at Kmart, she was approached by Olan Mills for free photo sitting in the store. The only contingent they made was making an appointment and giving a $10 deposit.  Courtney decided that was a great deal and made an appointment for a nice Saturday afternoon, figuring the kids would be cooperative.

Courtney received a call two days before reminding her to be there at 3PM. We showed up on time for our appointment, and they said it would be about 10 minutes until they were ready for us. We waited patiently as they took two families ahead of us and our 10 minute wait stretched to almost an hour. 

Waiting for an hour to do something is bad enough when it is for a roller coaster, when it is waiting to sit still for another twenty minutes for pictures with a 3 year old it's a total nightmare. Once Austin started to run around the store screaming we decided that there was no way on earth we were going to get good pictures that day. 

We went to cancel our now hour past due appointment and ask for our deposit back.  I took first crack at it, and they tell us that they are ready for us now. I tell them no, we have a now cranky 3 year old and a couple of unhappy older children who's afternoon just got wasted. They said that they have good people and can work with the kids, I had to hold back laughter while I told them I am not a new parent and I know better.

Having failed in my endeavor, Courtney decides that she wants a shot. She argues that we have been sitting for an hour, waiting patiently with 3 kids. However they are now very antsy, and they still try to tell us that they can work with the kids.  Courtney's loud reply of "Are you kidding me?" was met with a blank stare and then a simple "It's against our policy".

She tells them to forget it and she just wanted her deposit back because they were unable to  honor our appointment.  On the way out of the store, she decides that they are not going to get off the hook so easily. Courtney stopped at Customer Service and asked for the store Manager.  She explained the situation to the manager, who offers to talk to Olan Mills and try to get our money back.  

Unfortunately he was given the same answers that we were. He decides that Olan Mills wasn't going to prevent him from making a customer happy, and generously gives us a $10 gift card for the store.  He let us know that he was not happy with Olan Mills, and that they were well aware of it.

Obviously we will not be using Olan Mills in the future, and will encourage everyone we know to find another studio for their portraits. But you should shop at Kmart! They care about their customers and understand what Customer Service means.

So who out there thinks that keeping our $10 was worth; losing a customer, all the bad word of mouth from us, annoying the store manger of the place you are renting space from, and having a blogger post about the experience for all the world to google?

Huge thanks to Courtney for the timeline and Rough Draft for this post!

Depositing to the Blood Bank

On Thursday I went to donate blood for the first time. I originally told myself to start doing so three years ago after Courtney needed a transfusion and their was no matching blood type available.

While I am a procrastinator, three years is far longer than normal for me. Looking back, I know that part of it was me not wanting to reflect on the events that prompted me to make that decision. So I put some things on the back burner, giving blood being one of them.

Two weeks ago I remembered my promise to myself, and after a bit of web surfing I came across givelife.org. It provided a list of blood drives in the area and a way to sign up for an blood donation appointment. I found a drive at a local school and signed myself up. It only took a couple of minutes to set an appointment for 4pm the following Thursday.

It took about an hour at the school to give blood, but that was due to a large walk in crowd and a few first timer forms. The actual donation itself was relatively painless and only took about 5 minutes. The people there, including the nurses, were talkative and friendly even after 7 hours on the job.

I have already made an appointment for my next donation. You can give blood every 56 days, so I signed up for about 60 days out. By then I should know my blood type and have my Red Cross card. I encourage everyone who can give blood to do so, you never know who's life you may save.

Running again

After a bit of procrastinating due to the cold weather, I finally started running again this past weekend. I had forgotten how sore you get for the first week or so, but it is well worth it for the benefits.

This morning Josh went running with me, so I decided to run at his pace. It wasn't so that I didn't push him too hard, it helps me not start off too fast for my current fitness level. Josh kept a steady and reasonably fast pace, and at some points I swear he was slowing down for me. I was certainly sweating more than he was once we got home, so I think next time we need to go more than 1.5 miles.

There are several reasons I started running again, getting in shape being a major one. I have slowly put on weight over the years, and cutting back on how much I eat only does so much. Plus it only works for so long, I love food and tend to eat whatever is available. I hope to be back to an average BMI and normal blood pressure by my next physical.

I am also running to improve my level of "happiness". As much as I hate to use the phrase, studies have shown that exercise can help improve your mood and decrease the symptoms of depression and anxiety. During exercise the brain releases endorphins, adrenaline, serotonin and dopamine. That is a lot of feel good chemicals to add to the sense of accomplishment.

And last but not least, it seems that exercise may also improve memory and learning. This is still under study, but recent research indicates that exercise may help newly formed brain cells take hold in our brain. Though this is a much smaller factor than using our minds for difficult tasks, I'll take all the additional help I can get!

Contests are fun

I enter contests on and off depending on what I come across and the level of free time I have. I haven't sat down and entered a bunch at once for a long time, though that is usually the best way to win something. People who do it all the time say you can expect to win once for every hundred contests entered.

The last time I won a contest, it was just a random entry due to a contest listed on the Slurpee cups at 7-11. I won an Xbox 360, a major win and very unlikely due to the size of the contest. I haven't entered many contests since.

Yesterday I entered a new contest at a site that I belong to, Hokage's Room. I received an email about a new Naruto game that was going to come out so I dropped by the site and did one of the "missions" that they have. You earn points from doing the missions, I save them and sometimes use them to buy things off the site. The last time was a video game for my nephews, but I have gotten posters and statues before.

Not ten minutes after I completed the mission (that took about 30 seconds to do), I received an email saying that I had won a "Surprise Pack" for my participation. No word on what is in it, but some of the things mentioned were keychains and a t-shirt. If I'm really lucky I'll get another video game to give as a present.

Love Dare - Day 9

This is another step that I have already been working on. Not just greetings, but goodbyes as well. While I have already made a lot of changes, it never hurts to take another look.

Love makes good impressions 

Think of a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.

I added flowers to my greeting when I got home from work, not that I can do it every day (though the florist would love me) but it was something additional to my already cheerful hello.

Love Dare - Day 8

The eight dare involves fire, right up my ally. Nothing like burning something on a cold michigan afternoon. It wasn't much fire but the pyromaniac in me enjoyed it nonetheless. It wasn't hard to burn the negative list, I have been working on being more positive and thinking about positive things. Getting rid of a list of negativity is not only easy, it is a joy.

The eighth dare is:

Love is not jealous

Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a recent success he or she recently enjoyed.

Love Dare - Day 7

The seventh dare is fairly straightforward, and I found that it was easier to do without thinking about it too much. If I sat and thought about what should be on the lists I ended up either trying to balance the good and the bad or I spent far too much time thinking about what I should write.

Diving in and writing simply what came to mind worked much better, and it felt genuine when I was done.

Here is the seventh dare:

Love believes the best
For today's dare get two sheets of paper. On the first one spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.

Thanking Courtney was easy, I have been working on complimenting her so it is becoming second nature.

Dropkick Murphys

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

Here is one of my favorite songs from Dropkick Murphys, perfect band for today!



Now I'm off to drink some green beer!!

Love Dare - Day 6

I spent a lot more time on the 6th dare than I originally intended. While I have been very busy and haven't taken the time to start on the seventh dare, I also spent more than a week working on the sixth. For me this process isn't just to make it though the list, I am working to develop better habits and change the way I handle my relationship with my wife and by extension my kids and pretty much everyone else in my life.

Here is the sixth dare:

Love is not irritable

Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule, then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.

I think I have made some significant progress, in particular with making sure there is "free time" in my schedule. I'll keep my wrong motivations to myself, but now I keep in mind how to purge my reactions to them from my behavior and to work on confronting and resolving the issue.

Love Dare - Day 5

With the fifth dare the list starts to get a bit more specific about the particular things you will be working on in order to improve your relationship. Up to this point it has been painting with a pretty wide brush, now it starts to hone in on the specifics of what needs to be worked on.

The fifth dare requires some direct interaction with your significant other, it requires you to ask a direct question and simply accept the answer provided. The fifth dare is:

Love is not rude

Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them of justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.

If your spouse knows about the Love Dare, this is where you tip your hand (if you were hiding it in the first place). In my case my wife is following along with my blog on occasion and is well aware of what I am doing. That doesn't change the goal, to work on unconditional love.

I asked her for a list of things (I wasn't going to limit it to three if she had more) that drive her nuts that I do. I won't provide the list, some were very personal and some are much more mundane. I will reveal one, she hates how I load the dishwasher, seems her father taught her well.

---===Todays Dare Update===---

I failed horribly on the 6th dare today. I'll continue to work on it but my first crack at it was an abysmal failure, I make no excuses for myself. It is something I really need to work on to begin with, falling flat on my face just puts an exclamation point on that fact.

Love Dare - Day 4

I ended up putting off the fourth day until Monday as it was almost impossible to do over the weekend. Breaking into your daily routine is easy enough, the issue was that my routine was what the dare asks for! I still asked what I could help with several times over the weekend, but it really wasn't fulfilling the intention of the dare so I didn't count it as completed.

Monday was different however, not that it was easy to find a time to "break in" as Courtney and I contact each other fairly often throughout the day for one thing or another. I am lucky enough to be able to go home for lunch as well, making it that much harder find a time in my routine that truly fulfills the dare.

For the record the fourth dare is:

Love is Thoughtful
Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.

I ended up calling in mid-afternoon and we had a nice discussion about how her day was going. I asked if there was anything I could do for her and the answer was no. I tried again today but I had already assisted with the important task for the day, watching Austin so Courtney could take her Yoga final. Maybe I'll find something tonight (other than doing the dishes) to help her, but I feel that I understand the principle of the dare and have met it's goal.

I read the next dare this morning and it looks like the fairly simple ones are over, I am curious to see how the remainder of the day plays out and just how much I'll be willing to post tomorrow.

Out with the old, in with the new

One of the submissions for the Radical Innovation in Hospitality design competition really got my imagination going. The idea was to change an unused oil rig into a resort and spa powered by renewable energy sources. Inhabitat has the full description of the structure and the alternative energy ideas.

But I thought, why stop there? If it is possible to convert an unused oil rig to a self sustaining structure, why not work to make it an energy generating structure? If you didn't make the platform a resort but a small town that existed only to house the personnel required to service the equipment and support the workers then it should start out with a small output.

On top of that if you focused on making the available external energy producing areas as efficient as possible (4 wind turbines instead of one, as many high gain solar panels or Sterling engines as possible) and using the area around the rig for as many wave action energy generators as is feasible there should be significant energy output. If you add in some of the ocean current turbines that are currently being tested in Europe there is the possibility of not only testing a large number of renewable energy sources in real world conditions but also of producing a significant amount of energy per platform converted.

The two major obstacles to this being effective as an energy generation program for consumer consumption are means of delivery of the surplus energy and the regular storm season in the Gulf of Mexico.

The Hurricane issue is already a factor for active oil rigs and would have to be similar for any fixed platform in the gulf. There would have to be a way to secure the equipment prior to a storm strike, which may limit the amount of energy producing equipment that can be deployed at a single location. It would also mean an interruption in services that is unpredictable but could be mitigated by having a large number of functioning platforms spread all along the coast.

Means of delivery all depends on how the energy generated is intended to be used. Tankers are used to carry the oil but unless an extremely efficient flywheel system or other energy storage system is developed direct electricity transportation may not be feasible. New power lines could be run but may not be cost effective in particular for platforms that are far off shore. However if the electricity generated is used to create Hydrogen fuel that could be transported with relatively little modification to current natural gas tankers.

I am amused by the idea of old oil platforms being used to generate the fuel of tomorrows vehicles. It feels like a fitting rebirth for existing infrastructure.

Love Dare - Day 3

Yesterday was about building on the previous two days by not being selfish. The reasoning used in the Dare is interesting, so I went with it even though that is not all I think of when I envision myself being selfless. But it is a lot easier to see:

Love is not selfish
Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not invested in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today".

I let Courtney know that on the way home I needed to ship a package for an item I had sold on ebay, but I also took that extra time to stop by Floribunda. I bought all of the yellow tulips that they had, they are Courtney's favorite. I rang the doorbell and waited for a more dramatic effect, she was very surprised (and pleased) when I presented them to her. Guess I'm doing something right!

Love Dare - Day 2

The second dare is a continuation of the first with the addition of acting out kindness. Acting kind is also something that I have been working on, and was much easier to do that I expected. It doesn't require grand acts, it can be done many times a day in small ways. I find it enjoyable not only to do something for the woman I love, but I also enjoy accomplishing things even if they are small in the grand scheme of things.

The second Love Dare is:

Love is kind

In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

I tried to do more than I have been, I took care of the dishwasher in the morning and set it to start running shortly after everyone gets up for the day. I put away the clean dishes and organized the kitchen some. That night I made dinner for everyone (beef and pea pods over rice) and timed it for when Courtney would get back from errands so we could eat together. I waited a to make our plates few extra minutes so that we could actually sit down together, and refilled her water just before she got home so it was ice cold.

Everyone really enjoyed dinner, despite using two pounds of steak and almost three cups of rice there was only enough left for a small lunch. Everyone had two servings, so I guess I know what to put on the favorites list!

Love Dare - Day 1

After a little bit of back and forth over how I should approach it, I have decided to start on "The Love Dare". I had a few reservations due to the religious nature of the book and the preaching is very heavy in some parts, but if you can get past that the message and method is sound.

Some of the dares are very personal, so I may not post what I have done for each. But I will post the days dare, minus any overtly religious content that is supplied with it. I am also planning to skip or replace the days that say no more than "pray" or "read the Bible" as they are not directly related to my goals here.

Before each dare there are a few pages of direction and clarification about the meaning of the dare and how it pertains to a healthy relationship. If you intend to pursue "The Love Dare" yourself I recommend purchasing the book for the additional information it provides.

I started two days ago, here is the first dare:

Love is patient
The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although Love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.

There isn't a lot to say about what I did and how I did it. It is something that I have been working on already as one of the basic tenants of having a better relationship. I did make sure to let Courtney know when I was happy about something she did or said, and made an extra effort to compliment her.

I'll add day 2 later today, and try to keep the updates within a few days of when I complete a dare. While the idea is to complete the 40 dares in as many days, real life often interferes. I'm not sure a real schedule applies, I'll be playing by ear.

When to travel

One thing I want to do more of is travel. I have always wanted to travel the world but it is expensive and hard to find the time to do once you have full time employment and a family to torture...I mean bring along with you.

There is a lot to see in the US still, although some of it I want to wait until Austin is old enough to remember the trip. Long trip to the Grand Canyon for him not to remember he was there! He will be old enough soon though.

Other trips I would like to go with just Courtney, though quite a few I suspect she may prefer I go alone. I'm not sure how keen she is on climbing the side of a glacier in Iceland or visiting the Maya ruins on the Yucatán peninsula.

I'll have to keep all this in mind as I plan our summer, I think everyone would like to go someplace new. The map below has a good number of the places I would like to find myself someday.

Go easy on me...

Change

I sit here
forlorn
anxious
frightened

Suffocating myself
with thoughts
with imagination
with speculation

I wish to be free
to contemplate without fear
to experiance without suffering
to dream without apprehension

I will awake to a new life
released of baggage from the last
I will open my eyes to a new world
that is bright and fresh and unfamiliar

There is happiness
and forgiveness
and family
and Love

I sit here
unafraid
tranquil
joyful

Music I like

Just a fast post, I have plans for another later.

This song spoke to me this morning, which is surprising as it is not my normal fare. It was the lyrics that did it for me, but it has a decent tune as well. Very catchy.

Here is the Veronica's with Untouched.

Trying to write again

One of my reasons for starting this blog is to relearn how to write something other than an office document; I haven't written something personally creative since High School. I used to write poetry (pretty poorly, but hey I was young) and the normal required short stories and other writing that my classes demanded. But since High School I haven't so much as kept a journal, much less tried to keep my creative mind active by writing or painting.

Even just putting thoughts on paper turned out to be wonderful, I have started a journal and am amazed at what will come out by just letting my fingers work. I hope to be more creative or at least insightful for my blog entries, but that assessment is best left to others at this point lest my desire for success cloud my judgment.

Restarting this process has been harder than I thought, for the poetry in particular. I have been trying for the last several days to jump start my writing. First I went and bought a few supplies; a notebook that feels right in my hands, a pencil that is comfortable, and a few things to fill out my binder. After more than a day of writers block I decided to go dig out my old poetry. While I found the binder that I had stored all of my writing and sketching work in, I didn't find what I was looking for.

Memories of my writing are mostly positive, though I fondly recall some poems written in times of anger or sadness. But reading them now, for the first time in many years, I see an underlying current of sadness and loss. I had a hard time finding even one poem that was bright or happy enough for inspiration, and that single poem dealt only with the beauty of nature. Not the material I had expected to find, but insightful nonetheless.

While I didn't find the inspiration I was hoping for, I did find inspiration of a different kind. Focusing on the negative has never served me well, and only now am I actively working to change those habits. Part of my own Happiness Project is to "rehearse happiness", I have a real problem with doing the exact opposite even when I am trying not to. Working on writing something that is truly upbeat will hopefully help me change my default mode of thinking.

And if it's decent enough, I may even post it here.

Islands of Ease

Zen Habits is turing out to be a wonderful resource for me. Today Mary Jaksch of the Goodlife Zen blog contributed a post about finding islands of ease (I prefer the idea of peace) in your everyday routine.

I found the first point particulary potent, the idea of spending time with ourselves in silence. I had not relaized until recently that I had been hiding from silence, in essence from communication with myself. Even though I would stay up late at night to do things on my own, I was always accompanied by the TV or the computer. The few moments of silence I had were from the time I turned off the TV until I had fallen alseep in my bed.

Only recently with my quiet moments of breathing to relax myself and some of the longer audio guides I have been useing (though not enough) for relaxation techniques I have started to allow myself to be truly alone again. While I need to make it part of my daily routine, I'll wait until I have several other new things down pat.

Only a short time to live

I was fascinated today by the post at Zen Habits called "What would you do if you only had a short time to live?". The idea of trying to live in the here and now doing only what you deem truly important appeals to me. It is a great way to evaluate not only your life in general, but what you feel are the truly important things in your life. Family, friends, and if you are one of the lucky ones your job.

I decided to look at what I was doing throughout the day and ask myself, would I do this if I only had 6 months to live?

Playing with Austin was an easy yes, as was going home for lunch to spend some time with Courtney and Austin. Going to work hit a maybe on my list, I don't think that I am doing what I want to do for the rest of my life here. I like my job, but there is a "more" that I want and can't currently explain.

But I also ran into a few things that I have to do (other than just going to work) that I certainly would not do if I only had a short time to live. I needed to setup a meeting with a lawyer that I would not have bothered with if time was short. I am trying to address certain problems in my life that would be rendered almost meaningless in the short term but have profound implications long term.

So much is personal perspective, but looking though a lens of "what is important" helps define what it is you really want in life.

I'm just busy

Been a few days and still haven't found the time to write a proper blog. I have plenty of ideas too! I'll try harder tomorrow to make a proper update. For now here is a video on breathing techniques, forgive me for the voice though...

Spare Change

It is kind of amusing to see the ratio of pennies to other change once you sit down and go though your change jar. Ours has been pilfered more than a few times over the years for tolls, school lunches, and air machines at gas stations.

There are also various foreign coins in our jar from years ago when I worked retail and some Canadian from our occasion trips there. In all I found $16 in Canadian coins and bills (mostly 1 and 2 dollar coins) and 4 coins with Asian origins.

For the rest of the haul, there wasn't enough silver coinage of any one type to fill a roll with. I found a 4 dollar coins (one being an Eisenhower, he stays with me), $3.50 in quarters, about $1 in dimes, and a whole 5 nickles. This of course amuses me to no end, as I was using the coin jar to save up for "mad money" someday. That doesn't work very well when you use it for other endeavors that require spare change.

After I was done with the sorting I grabbed the rollers and started counting out the pennies. I used to check all of them for wheatbacks and older, but stopped about 3 years ago. The only one I noted in the pile was a 1945 penny, and those are common enough I didn't bother with it.

After an hour in front of the TV counting pennies I ended up with 26 rolls, a whopping $13 in pennies. I think the total does beat the amount of Canadian money after the exchange rate is taken into account, but not by much. After about a decade of tossing pennies into a jar, it is just enough to buy the family dinner (as long as you are willing to cook it yourself).

I remember it working much better in the past, but I used cash so much more then. Everything is debit and credit nowadays, hampering the change saving and no longer providing an offset for the occasions when you need an unusual amount of spare change.

Our budget is totally out of whack at the moment, and both of us think that using more cash is one way to help us mentally keep track of what we are spending better. Maybe this will be the return of the change jar, I'll keep my hopes up for a Cedar Point change trip this summer.

Beware Freecreditreport.com

There is a reason you are supposed to check your statements every month, even if you are no longer using a card and are simply paying it down.

FreeCreditReport.com is one of those reasons. I signed up with them as part of a website to receive a free copy of Rock Band (a story for another day) and canceled it shortly after. That should have been the end of the story, but my lack of attention to the card that I had put it on extended the story for an entire year.

It seems that when I canceled the service they did not do a full cancellation, they "downgraded" me to a cheaper service and it has been charged monthly to my card ever since. As I have not been using the card I have been simply paying a set amount and not checking the statement, so this has slipped by me.

I noticed the charges this morning and called them immediately, only to get connected to a remote call center that read from a script and told me that they could cancel the service but only refund me the last months payment. I asked for a manager and was sent to Experian (apparently the parent company) where I received a bit better reception but was still told that they could only refund me the last months payment.

I decided to play a bit harder ball and mentioned that I was well aware of how this occurred (the downgrade instead of the canceling) and that it amounted to fraud and that I was more than happy to contact the BBB and whoever else I needed to to try to rectify this egregious situation.

I again politely asked what I could do to receive my hard earned money back, and Erin (the Customer Rep) went to talk to her manager. Long story short, they are refunding all charges and I should see it in 7-10 days and receive a second notice of my cancellation within 24 hours.

The first lesson here is to keep track of your credit cards, even if you aren't using them. The second is to be very careful when setting up or closing down any service that has recurring charges, because some companies are not as honest as others.

Health Insurance is important

Some days are easier on the psyche than others, today was not one of the easier days. 

Courtney has been having migraines and they were so bad that she was getting visual artifacts. She was worried and made an appointment with her normal Doctor. A wise choice as they had come on suddenly, and as the actual headache pain seemed to consistently be on the left side she assumed that she had a sinus infection.

The only issue is that due to a difficult insurance company she is between policies at the moment. Her previous policy just ended (they cancelled it) and her new one doesn't start until February. This in itself isn't too big of a deal, the visit should only be $60 and and the antibiotics shouldn't be expensive either. Very affordable even if annoying to the monthly budget.

But assuming things will go as you expect them to can be dangerous. In this case, Courtney's doctor was more concerned with her elevated blood pressure once she determined that Courtney didn't have a sinus infection. The doctor is fairly sure the blood pressure and therefor the migraines are stress related, but to be sure she had a full set of blood work done and told Courtney to schedule an MRI just to be sure. Add blood pressure medication and migraine medication and suddenly that cheap doctors visit just broke the bank.

We don't know the cost of the blood work yet (we did get the results already, they came back clean) but an MRI costs an average of $3,200 at Beaumont. Hopefully a few relaxation techniques and a reduction in what she needs to worry about will help her make it until the insurance kicks in. 

It pains me to know that part of her stress is me. I shared the audio files that my Father gave me to help reduce anxiety, and she seemed open to using them to try to relax some. I have been pushing her to talk a lot, and I need to hold back some as I know that it is adding to her stress level. School isn't an insignificant factor either, but I think she has that covered. I'll be doing what I can to help her out at this point, a reminder that I can't just focus on me.

Climbing for Fun

Had a blast climbing at Planet Rock in Pontiac, MI this past weekend. To be more accurate, my eldest did the climbing and I just held the rope. But it did give me the opportunity to take a few pictures, this is the only one where he was close enough to the ground to tell who it is.

My Commandments

I started today by taking the suggestion of a blogger I newly follow and creating a list of "commandments" for myself. I liked the idea and I think it will help me focus on what it is I want to change and who I want to be.

I don't think this will be the final version, but it's a start (going with #6 right there).





1) Be true to myself
2) Don't rehearse unhappiness
3) The only person you can change is yourself
4) Be kind to others
5) Actions speak louder than words
6) Do not let Perfect be the enemy of Good
7) Do not Procrastinate
8) Let the past be the past

I have added them to the side of my blog as well, it makes it easy to review them and try to keep on track.

Gets lonely at night

I used to really enjoy the time by myself at night, after everyone had gone to bed. I could watch what I wanted, play video games, read a book, or just surf the net.

Funny how quickly things can change. Now that I have started to look at myself and why I act the way I do I can't stand to be alone. I need the comfort of another person, my wife and kids being the primary focus of my attention. I hope they are enjoying it even a fraction as much as I have been, it is long overdue and I think my previous introvert behavior is an extension of what I used to do with MMORPG's...escape.

Tonight has been a bit different as Courtney has a migraine and I need the kids to be quiet so she can try to sleep it off. I had them play in the basement as I cleaned up from dinner and handled a few requests from my now dosing wife. As I finished them off and read a gaming magazine I was surprised by how lonely I felt with no one around.

Recently I have found myself calling family members just to talk, and after reflecting on that decided to make it a daily goal to call and talk to a friend or family member. This ends up being harder than it seems as I have not made many friends during my adult life, or at least not the kind I call to talk to. I'm sure my family will notice the difference, as I usually go months between contact that they usually initiate.

Another depressing thing I have realized is that I don't have many friends. Most of the ones I do have are the familiar "work friends" that you talk to only at work and a few online friends I have come to know over the years. I still have a few friends from Everquest that I talk to on occasion, but I have fallen out of touch with most over the years. I am getting in touch with old friends from school, but no one that I would talk to about what I am going through now. I really have no close friends outside of family.

Even as I type this, I am realizing that one of the things I need to change is how I handle personal relationships. Making friends shouldn't be that difficult, as I get along well with the majority of my co-workers it should be easier for me than I seem to be making it. I need to quit retreating into myself, now to figure out how to accomplish that.