Gets lonely at night

I used to really enjoy the time by myself at night, after everyone had gone to bed. I could watch what I wanted, play video games, read a book, or just surf the net.

Funny how quickly things can change. Now that I have started to look at myself and why I act the way I do I can't stand to be alone. I need the comfort of another person, my wife and kids being the primary focus of my attention. I hope they are enjoying it even a fraction as much as I have been, it is long overdue and I think my previous introvert behavior is an extension of what I used to do with MMORPG's...escape.

Tonight has been a bit different as Courtney has a migraine and I need the kids to be quiet so she can try to sleep it off. I had them play in the basement as I cleaned up from dinner and handled a few requests from my now dosing wife. As I finished them off and read a gaming magazine I was surprised by how lonely I felt with no one around.

Recently I have found myself calling family members just to talk, and after reflecting on that decided to make it a daily goal to call and talk to a friend or family member. This ends up being harder than it seems as I have not made many friends during my adult life, or at least not the kind I call to talk to. I'm sure my family will notice the difference, as I usually go months between contact that they usually initiate.

Another depressing thing I have realized is that I don't have many friends. Most of the ones I do have are the familiar "work friends" that you talk to only at work and a few online friends I have come to know over the years. I still have a few friends from Everquest that I talk to on occasion, but I have fallen out of touch with most over the years. I am getting in touch with old friends from school, but no one that I would talk to about what I am going through now. I really have no close friends outside of family.

Even as I type this, I am realizing that one of the things I need to change is how I handle personal relationships. Making friends shouldn't be that difficult, as I get along well with the majority of my co-workers it should be easier for me than I seem to be making it. I need to quit retreating into myself, now to figure out how to accomplish that.