Trying to write again

One of my reasons for starting this blog is to relearn how to write something other than an office document; I haven't written something personally creative since High School. I used to write poetry (pretty poorly, but hey I was young) and the normal required short stories and other writing that my classes demanded. But since High School I haven't so much as kept a journal, much less tried to keep my creative mind active by writing or painting.

Even just putting thoughts on paper turned out to be wonderful, I have started a journal and am amazed at what will come out by just letting my fingers work. I hope to be more creative or at least insightful for my blog entries, but that assessment is best left to others at this point lest my desire for success cloud my judgment.

Restarting this process has been harder than I thought, for the poetry in particular. I have been trying for the last several days to jump start my writing. First I went and bought a few supplies; a notebook that feels right in my hands, a pencil that is comfortable, and a few things to fill out my binder. After more than a day of writers block I decided to go dig out my old poetry. While I found the binder that I had stored all of my writing and sketching work in, I didn't find what I was looking for.

Memories of my writing are mostly positive, though I fondly recall some poems written in times of anger or sadness. But reading them now, for the first time in many years, I see an underlying current of sadness and loss. I had a hard time finding even one poem that was bright or happy enough for inspiration, and that single poem dealt only with the beauty of nature. Not the material I had expected to find, but insightful nonetheless.

While I didn't find the inspiration I was hoping for, I did find inspiration of a different kind. Focusing on the negative has never served me well, and only now am I actively working to change those habits. Part of my own Happiness Project is to "rehearse happiness", I have a real problem with doing the exact opposite even when I am trying not to. Working on writing something that is truly upbeat will hopefully help me change my default mode of thinking.

And if it's decent enough, I may even post it here.