Love Dare - Day 5

With the fifth dare the list starts to get a bit more specific about the particular things you will be working on in order to improve your relationship. Up to this point it has been painting with a pretty wide brush, now it starts to hone in on the specifics of what needs to be worked on.

The fifth dare requires some direct interaction with your significant other, it requires you to ask a direct question and simply accept the answer provided. The fifth dare is:

Love is not rude

Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them of justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.

If your spouse knows about the Love Dare, this is where you tip your hand (if you were hiding it in the first place). In my case my wife is following along with my blog on occasion and is well aware of what I am doing. That doesn't change the goal, to work on unconditional love.

I asked her for a list of things (I wasn't going to limit it to three if she had more) that drive her nuts that I do. I won't provide the list, some were very personal and some are much more mundane. I will reveal one, she hates how I load the dishwasher, seems her father taught her well.

---===Todays Dare Update===---

I failed horribly on the 6th dare today. I'll continue to work on it but my first crack at it was an abysmal failure, I make no excuses for myself. It is something I really need to work on to begin with, falling flat on my face just puts an exclamation point on that fact.

Love Dare - Day 4

I ended up putting off the fourth day until Monday as it was almost impossible to do over the weekend. Breaking into your daily routine is easy enough, the issue was that my routine was what the dare asks for! I still asked what I could help with several times over the weekend, but it really wasn't fulfilling the intention of the dare so I didn't count it as completed.

Monday was different however, not that it was easy to find a time to "break in" as Courtney and I contact each other fairly often throughout the day for one thing or another. I am lucky enough to be able to go home for lunch as well, making it that much harder find a time in my routine that truly fulfills the dare.

For the record the fourth dare is:

Love is Thoughtful
Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.

I ended up calling in mid-afternoon and we had a nice discussion about how her day was going. I asked if there was anything I could do for her and the answer was no. I tried again today but I had already assisted with the important task for the day, watching Austin so Courtney could take her Yoga final. Maybe I'll find something tonight (other than doing the dishes) to help her, but I feel that I understand the principle of the dare and have met it's goal.

I read the next dare this morning and it looks like the fairly simple ones are over, I am curious to see how the remainder of the day plays out and just how much I'll be willing to post tomorrow.

Out with the old, in with the new

One of the submissions for the Radical Innovation in Hospitality design competition really got my imagination going. The idea was to change an unused oil rig into a resort and spa powered by renewable energy sources. Inhabitat has the full description of the structure and the alternative energy ideas.

But I thought, why stop there? If it is possible to convert an unused oil rig to a self sustaining structure, why not work to make it an energy generating structure? If you didn't make the platform a resort but a small town that existed only to house the personnel required to service the equipment and support the workers then it should start out with a small output.

On top of that if you focused on making the available external energy producing areas as efficient as possible (4 wind turbines instead of one, as many high gain solar panels or Sterling engines as possible) and using the area around the rig for as many wave action energy generators as is feasible there should be significant energy output. If you add in some of the ocean current turbines that are currently being tested in Europe there is the possibility of not only testing a large number of renewable energy sources in real world conditions but also of producing a significant amount of energy per platform converted.

The two major obstacles to this being effective as an energy generation program for consumer consumption are means of delivery of the surplus energy and the regular storm season in the Gulf of Mexico.

The Hurricane issue is already a factor for active oil rigs and would have to be similar for any fixed platform in the gulf. There would have to be a way to secure the equipment prior to a storm strike, which may limit the amount of energy producing equipment that can be deployed at a single location. It would also mean an interruption in services that is unpredictable but could be mitigated by having a large number of functioning platforms spread all along the coast.

Means of delivery all depends on how the energy generated is intended to be used. Tankers are used to carry the oil but unless an extremely efficient flywheel system or other energy storage system is developed direct electricity transportation may not be feasible. New power lines could be run but may not be cost effective in particular for platforms that are far off shore. However if the electricity generated is used to create Hydrogen fuel that could be transported with relatively little modification to current natural gas tankers.

I am amused by the idea of old oil platforms being used to generate the fuel of tomorrows vehicles. It feels like a fitting rebirth for existing infrastructure.

Love Dare - Day 3

Yesterday was about building on the previous two days by not being selfish. The reasoning used in the Dare is interesting, so I went with it even though that is not all I think of when I envision myself being selfless. But it is a lot easier to see:

Love is not selfish
Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not invested in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today".

I let Courtney know that on the way home I needed to ship a package for an item I had sold on ebay, but I also took that extra time to stop by Floribunda. I bought all of the yellow tulips that they had, they are Courtney's favorite. I rang the doorbell and waited for a more dramatic effect, she was very surprised (and pleased) when I presented them to her. Guess I'm doing something right!

Love Dare - Day 2

The second dare is a continuation of the first with the addition of acting out kindness. Acting kind is also something that I have been working on, and was much easier to do that I expected. It doesn't require grand acts, it can be done many times a day in small ways. I find it enjoyable not only to do something for the woman I love, but I also enjoy accomplishing things even if they are small in the grand scheme of things.

The second Love Dare is:

Love is kind

In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

I tried to do more than I have been, I took care of the dishwasher in the morning and set it to start running shortly after everyone gets up for the day. I put away the clean dishes and organized the kitchen some. That night I made dinner for everyone (beef and pea pods over rice) and timed it for when Courtney would get back from errands so we could eat together. I waited a to make our plates few extra minutes so that we could actually sit down together, and refilled her water just before she got home so it was ice cold.

Everyone really enjoyed dinner, despite using two pounds of steak and almost three cups of rice there was only enough left for a small lunch. Everyone had two servings, so I guess I know what to put on the favorites list!

Love Dare - Day 1

After a little bit of back and forth over how I should approach it, I have decided to start on "The Love Dare". I had a few reservations due to the religious nature of the book and the preaching is very heavy in some parts, but if you can get past that the message and method is sound.

Some of the dares are very personal, so I may not post what I have done for each. But I will post the days dare, minus any overtly religious content that is supplied with it. I am also planning to skip or replace the days that say no more than "pray" or "read the Bible" as they are not directly related to my goals here.

Before each dare there are a few pages of direction and clarification about the meaning of the dare and how it pertains to a healthy relationship. If you intend to pursue "The Love Dare" yourself I recommend purchasing the book for the additional information it provides.

I started two days ago, here is the first dare:

Love is patient
The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although Love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.

There isn't a lot to say about what I did and how I did it. It is something that I have been working on already as one of the basic tenants of having a better relationship. I did make sure to let Courtney know when I was happy about something she did or said, and made an extra effort to compliment her.

I'll add day 2 later today, and try to keep the updates within a few days of when I complete a dare. While the idea is to complete the 40 dares in as many days, real life often interferes. I'm not sure a real schedule applies, I'll be playing by ear.

When to travel

One thing I want to do more of is travel. I have always wanted to travel the world but it is expensive and hard to find the time to do once you have full time employment and a family to torture...I mean bring along with you.

There is a lot to see in the US still, although some of it I want to wait until Austin is old enough to remember the trip. Long trip to the Grand Canyon for him not to remember he was there! He will be old enough soon though.

Other trips I would like to go with just Courtney, though quite a few I suspect she may prefer I go alone. I'm not sure how keen she is on climbing the side of a glacier in Iceland or visiting the Maya ruins on the Yucatán peninsula.

I'll have to keep all this in mind as I plan our summer, I think everyone would like to go someplace new. The map below has a good number of the places I would like to find myself someday.

Go easy on me...

Change

I sit here
forlorn
anxious
frightened

Suffocating myself
with thoughts
with imagination
with speculation

I wish to be free
to contemplate without fear
to experiance without suffering
to dream without apprehension

I will awake to a new life
released of baggage from the last
I will open my eyes to a new world
that is bright and fresh and unfamiliar

There is happiness
and forgiveness
and family
and Love

I sit here
unafraid
tranquil
joyful

Music I like

Just a fast post, I have plans for another later.

This song spoke to me this morning, which is surprising as it is not my normal fare. It was the lyrics that did it for me, but it has a decent tune as well. Very catchy.

Here is the Veronica's with Untouched.

Trying to write again

One of my reasons for starting this blog is to relearn how to write something other than an office document; I haven't written something personally creative since High School. I used to write poetry (pretty poorly, but hey I was young) and the normal required short stories and other writing that my classes demanded. But since High School I haven't so much as kept a journal, much less tried to keep my creative mind active by writing or painting.

Even just putting thoughts on paper turned out to be wonderful, I have started a journal and am amazed at what will come out by just letting my fingers work. I hope to be more creative or at least insightful for my blog entries, but that assessment is best left to others at this point lest my desire for success cloud my judgment.

Restarting this process has been harder than I thought, for the poetry in particular. I have been trying for the last several days to jump start my writing. First I went and bought a few supplies; a notebook that feels right in my hands, a pencil that is comfortable, and a few things to fill out my binder. After more than a day of writers block I decided to go dig out my old poetry. While I found the binder that I had stored all of my writing and sketching work in, I didn't find what I was looking for.

Memories of my writing are mostly positive, though I fondly recall some poems written in times of anger or sadness. But reading them now, for the first time in many years, I see an underlying current of sadness and loss. I had a hard time finding even one poem that was bright or happy enough for inspiration, and that single poem dealt only with the beauty of nature. Not the material I had expected to find, but insightful nonetheless.

While I didn't find the inspiration I was hoping for, I did find inspiration of a different kind. Focusing on the negative has never served me well, and only now am I actively working to change those habits. Part of my own Happiness Project is to "rehearse happiness", I have a real problem with doing the exact opposite even when I am trying not to. Working on writing something that is truly upbeat will hopefully help me change my default mode of thinking.

And if it's decent enough, I may even post it here.

Islands of Ease

Zen Habits is turing out to be a wonderful resource for me. Today Mary Jaksch of the Goodlife Zen blog contributed a post about finding islands of ease (I prefer the idea of peace) in your everyday routine.

I found the first point particulary potent, the idea of spending time with ourselves in silence. I had not relaized until recently that I had been hiding from silence, in essence from communication with myself. Even though I would stay up late at night to do things on my own, I was always accompanied by the TV or the computer. The few moments of silence I had were from the time I turned off the TV until I had fallen alseep in my bed.

Only recently with my quiet moments of breathing to relax myself and some of the longer audio guides I have been useing (though not enough) for relaxation techniques I have started to allow myself to be truly alone again. While I need to make it part of my daily routine, I'll wait until I have several other new things down pat.